I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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