hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
