I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
