at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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