Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
