I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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