He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
