I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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