i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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