my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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