His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize