And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I would ride that face into the sunset
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
