just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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