You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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