I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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