He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
