Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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