i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
