Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
