OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
