She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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