WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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