I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
