Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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