Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
