You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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