sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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