there's paper in my vomit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
