My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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