Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
