I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
