You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
