Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
