I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
