I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
