You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
