Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
