Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
