did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
