You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
