even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
