Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
