Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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