Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
