he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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