dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize