weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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