lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
