I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
