We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
