In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
