But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
