meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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