i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
