he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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