his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
