I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
