Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
