apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
