i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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