I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
