I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
