You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
