I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
