I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
