You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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