I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
