i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
