I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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