My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Come see our sink grown plant.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
