Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize