Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
