we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
