you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize