omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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