Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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