My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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