I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
