Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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