Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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