the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yo dont text me then not text me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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