I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
