you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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