What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
