we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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