you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize