but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
