Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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