So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
