I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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